Sadness and relief

Two things took on clarity this week. My financial aspects of my divorce are done, papers signed, clarity is here. In addition, things have settled into a system at work, all the products got moved to remote warehouses, and I have a new processing center at a beautiful location in The Presidio.

All in all, I'm in good shape. But inside there are lingering feelings that need to come to ground. I admire people who are so present in their self awareness and act without hesitation, to move toward their desire or set boundaries.

I have to go through a momentary reflection about it, before I can state my desire so clearly and own it.

This is important as I set out into the world free to choose. Work, leisure, and romance are all about to flow out of the causes I put forth in the universe.

So the next steps become about trusting my desire, letting it take it's proper place in a balanced life.
I tend to get stuck about owning what I want. Fear of judgement, rejection, and abandonment, seep into the process.

I want to learn to trust myself at this level but it's weird, because I tend to be hedonistic, so I'm capable of wanting things that seem out of bounds to people. The work for me is letting go of that fear of judgement.

Self acceptance and healthy independence from trying to manage people's expectations.

This is actually the fun part...

The other parts are feeling loss over my ex, sadness and some loneliness. Feeling some sense of drift on life's purpose. Fear about digging out the deep pieces inside me that need sunlight and healing.

I choose to be vulnerable and cracked open! This is fraught with tension, but provides the path...
For authenticity flows from self knowledge and self trust.

I'm a good man I think I'm up to it.