Quiet time

I find myself occupied with "doing", most of it compulsive avoidance.
But usually Sunday morning stillness leaves enough room for there to be a quiet that comes up on me when I'm not looking.

Then, I'm face to face with myself...

Suddenly I'm feeling again, emotions that were locked down sneak into the play area like so many puppies who've been cooped up.
Next thing I know, chaos and lack of control reign. I'm forced to surrender.
Emotional release is so liberating, yet I still fight tooth and nail to protect, and shield.
Why!?!?
This is much more flowing and alive in this unblocked space.

How do I stay in it... ?
Whoops..... bam !!!! clutching at flow is the quick way to close it down.

So many incredible open pathways and lessons still resonating from
my good friend Sandra Lee... Silent Sandra... The painter, writer, dancer, emissary of Fairies.
I'd love to be in the flow with such clarity and ease as SL...
It always seems harder on approach... But once you jump...it's like the whole universe aligns... She lives in flow state... I wanted to be close, maybe I could absorb the courage through osmosis... But no, the only way to truly learn to be that open was to be told "let go". I needed to be reminded that non attachment is the only ticket to the flow train.

It's months later and I still suck at it . It's worth noting good ol SL says it was a 14 year journey to the place she's in now.

Letting go ....
Of all of it...
Not even the least little bit

But the feeling still rises like that sliver of a new moon... The light returns...

For a time I can feel... free
Maybe just a little longer this time...
If it takes 13 more years it will have been worth it... But I might be dead by then...


Live love